Sunday, August 2, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Husband's Great Gift
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Forgetful
An elderly couple (Pak Pandir & Mak Andeh) is getting ready for bed.
Mak Andeh says "Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house."
Pak Pandir says, "I'll go get some".
Mak Andeh says, "Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry."
Mak Andeh adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget."
Pak Pandir says, "I won't forget; Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."
Away he goes.
Hours later he comes back and hands Mak Andeh a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH".
Mak Andeh says, "I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."
Mak Andeh says "Oh I am just so hungry for ice cream and there isn't any in the house."
Pak Pandir says, "I'll go get some".
Mak Andeh says, "Vanilla with chocolate sauce, with whipped cream on top and a cherry."
Mak Andeh adds, "Please write it down, I know you'll forget."
Pak Pandir says, "I won't forget; Vanilla with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry."
Away he goes.
Hours later he comes back and hands Mak Andeh a paper bag. "In it is a "HAM SANDWICH".
Mak Andeh says, "I told you to write it down! You forgot the mustard."
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Prison Break
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Online Dating
My boyfriend and I met online and we'd be dating for over a year.
I Introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the internet.
He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up.
Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, " I just used a regular 56K modem."
source: Anne Mccone (Reader's digest)
I Introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we met over the internet.
He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up.
Ever the geek, Hans naively replied, " I just used a regular 56K modem."
source: Anne Mccone (Reader's digest)
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Funny Quote
#1
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers
#2
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
#3
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. George Burns
#4
I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.
Katherine Hepburn
#5
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
G. K. Chesterton
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